Deep Breath
So why deep breath? Well, anyone that knows me knows that when I’m stressed I take one massive deep breath. Maybe it’s cause I’m fat and trying not to die, or it’s that brief pause, that moment of clarity to process the chaos. I wasn’t given any artistic ability from God or genetics but I was blessed with the ability to describe the fuck out of it. I hope the chaos around me can bring you some enjoyment.
Stories
- IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLWell, it has finally happened. After years of sheltering all of my evil progeny They have finally discoverd the WWE. At the sight of the grand entrances and herculean builds the hoodlums immediately took off their shirts and began pummeling each other with their weak noodly arms. Echoing catchphrases I […]
- Captain’s LogCaptain’s Log stardate 9/22/22 I wish that I could drop a captains log right about now. It has been 4 days since my surgery in a cruel twist of irony the bidet I was so excited about sits unused in my bathroom. Apparently, whatever Tom Cruise scientology stuff they do […]
- So fresh, So cleanEveryone has flaws and I guess mine is that I am just so freakishly strong that the sheer might of me flexing tore my bicep muscle tendon. So now my right arm is reduced to that of a normal man. I am going to have to go under the knife […]
- The unholy aromaLet me just preface this with it’s kind of gross so if you’ve got a weak stomach, kind of squeamish, or are a big ol baby just stop reading here. This is in no way a post advocating for the sweet delicious taste of copenhagen wintergreen (longcut of course) in […]
- I choked on an eggOne time many years ago my good friend juicy brought home a giant jar of pickled eggs to the bachelor pad, the diamond of rose st. Now my pallet is much more refined now and I probably wouldn’t partake of some sketchily prepared pickled eggs these days. However; as a […]