I’m trying out a new cologne today, its called unleaded all over my crotch. My darling wife who actually thoroughly enjoys mowing the lawn however; does not enjoy any of the mower maintenance, including fueling. So she very politely commanded me to fuel the mower before I left for practice. Me of course being the efficient man that I am decided to maximize my chill time and procrastinate to the last minute.
Gas cans nowadays have these nasa engineered nozzles that are far too complicated for my simple brain. As my Neanderthal hands ripped the nozzle off, the small hole in the back of the can for flow trickled petrol, unbeknownst to me, all over my family jewels. I didn’t realize it until it felt like I teabagged a fire ant colony. Great balls of fire that is not a pleasant experience. My twig and berries were en fuego. I do not recommend. Of course I had no time to shower so I just changed but my usual pleasant bouquet of sweet aroma is now replaced with ExxonMobils cheapest.