Life is about the quiet moments. The moments you get to treasure and reflect upon all your happiest memories. Tonight was no such night for me.
Perhaps some of you remember that my dog decided to remodel my bathroom. My porcelain throne is no longer a safe place for me I am instead relegated to the last place in this house that I can unequivocally call my own. My recliner. I don’t get much time to sit in it these days usually just confined to short bursts while I’m waiting on the kids. Tonight was different tho Walker didn’t have any practices or homework so we got to sit down and watch a movie together, another rare occurrence. Shortly after the movie and Walker fighting going to bed Amber puts on Moana one of my very favorites as I’m gleefully singing away (imagine a smooth Lionel Richie mixed with the steady drive of Johnny Cash) I lean back giving in to the pillowy embrace of my faux leather cloud. As I descend I hear a tiny creak, like the last thread of my strained jeans ripping as I drop it like its hot. The recliner no longer restrained gives in to the power of gravity and thus I begin the longest and slowest fall of my life. I was able to utter a calm “oh no..” To alert my wife to my predicament. Her reaction was not of concern.. The soundtrack of my descent was the loudest most annoying cackle of laughter that seemed to last an eternity. Five minutes later when I finally reached the ground there I lay in a twisted pile of bent metal, pleather and depression. As I accepted my fate content with spending the rest of my days laying here listening to the echoes of my wifes maniacal laughter a little pitter-patter approaches with his giant bobblehead expressing concern. At least someone was concerned. I hand Lincoln my phone, so I can assess the situation, which he promptly smashes my face with. Fearing further harm I execute a perfect back handspring. Looking at the mangled car wreck that used to be a chair I get it. I need to go on a diet. #newyearnewme maybe I shouldnt buy recliners from amazons deal of the day. Im pretty sure Amber passed out from laughing at my misfortune.